RESET

I had this long, long… looooong post I was working on over the past few days but I deleted it and decided to do this instead.

Okay. I’ve been spending too much time wallowing in the misery of my past. I still have a lot to work through, and little help in doing so, but I don’t want to spend all of my time being negative and thinking back on how screwed up I am and how it’s brought me to this point in my life. It’s not healthy. It’s not helping. So I’m going to try (emphasis: TRY) to be more positive and forward thinking.

So what am I doing to try and make things better. Well, first things first, I’m getting my sleeping in order. I set my alarm for 6:00 am every morning. So far I’ve been up well before that as I haven’t quite adjusted to it yet. Like this morning I’ve actually been up since 3:30. Either way I’ll eventually get used to it. Bed time is 10:00 pm. So a good rounded schedule for sleep.

I’m trying to think of things to get myself to do during the day that I can easily deal with on a regular basis. Basically, it’s like I want to go back to school. Certain “periods” during the day when I’m going to expect myself to be doing something specific. I have a few interests, I’ve just never been able to get them to coalesce at any one time so it feels like I actually have a life. Usually I just focus on one thing until I’m burnt out on it and then move on to something else. I can’t do that any longer if I want to feel like I’m actually getting somewhere. Like I’m actually doing something.

Food is going to be the real hard part. I porked yesterday like nobody’s business. When I weighed myself last night (I just had to know) I’d gained around eight pounds. EIGHT! I’m down to like two to three this morning but still! I have a kitchen scale now though so I can keep track of calories and carbs more specifically. I just need to use it and keep my urges in check.

I’ve written off my foot. It’s actually healed rather well at this point, the ulcer is smaller than it’s ever been and seems to be healing over, but I can’t wait for it any longer. My podiatrist said it’s going to continue to break open anyway so what’s the alternative. Still no word on my surgery either. Going in to see the podiatrist in January to hopefully get some answers on that. In the mean time, a nice walk after lunch every day sounds like a good place to start. Nothing too long or too strenuous to begin with. A half hour or so at first. I’ll work up from there.

As you can see, I have a vague plan. I need to focus it though and figure out how to actually put it into action. The easiest will probably be having lunch at noon and then going for a walk after that. The rest I can build up around that. I just need something to anchor onto.

Now as for lunch, I need to work on eating better. Healthy eating is not my strong suit. Maybe a salad and a sandwich? We actually have the stuff to do that, I think. Lettuce needs to be checked on. I could do that today though. Tomorrow? We’ll worry about that then. Maybe soup and a sandwich? Gotta work on that whole “and a sandwich” thing though. Hmm… What else would make a quick but health-ish lunch.

Time to research!

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